You are not one person at work
One of the most useful changes in my own thinking about myself came through my training as a Deep Process Psychotherapist. And it’s this:
I am not one, unified self. I have many parts.
As Walt Whitman put it:
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then, I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
This idea, that we are made of multiple parts, is now a well-established framework in modern psychotherapy. Richard Schwartz, the founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS), built an entire therapeutic model around the recognition that the human psyche is naturally multiple - that we are each made up of different parts, each with its own feelings, beliefs, and agendas.
I find that when I talk about this with my clients, and we use it in our work together, they know this intuitively. We’ve all said things like:
“Part of me wants to speak up, but another part is terrified.”
“I know I should let it go, but something in me won’t.”
“I don’t know what came over me.”
We often don’t notice ourselves speaking like this and think it's just a figure of speech. But they are actually an accurate description of your internal architecture.
At work, these parts show up constantly:
The Perfectionist who rewrites the email seven times because one mistake might mean rejection.
The Pleaser who says yes to every request because saying no feels like abandonment.
The Invisible One who stays quiet in meetings because visibility once meant danger.
The Defender who snaps at the first hint of criticism because somewhere, long ago, criticism meant shame.
The Overachiever who works weekends because a younger part still believes love is earned, not given.
The Freeze Part, who goes blank when the CEO asks a direct question, because authority still triggers the old alarm.
These parts show up because you’re wired for safety. And somewhere in your history, each one of them learned a strategy for keeping you safe.
The problem isn’t that you have parts. Everyone does. The problem is that most of us don’t know they’re there. So instead of leading our parts, our parts lead us.
This is an idea I’m going to come back to again and again throughout this work because when we make this shift, and start to engage with these parts, rather than thinking they are the whole of us, new opportunities for change and growth open up.
This shift in perception can transform your experience of work. It’s the difference between shame and understanding. Between self-attack and self-leadership. Between being trapped in a pattern and being free to choose differently.
The shift is this:
From “I am broken” to “A part of me is protecting me.”
From “I’m difficult” to “A part of me is overwhelmed.”
From “I’m weak” to “A part of me is scared.”
From “I’m a fraud” to “A part of me feels unworthy.”
From “I always do this” to “This is a pattern a younger part created to stay safe.”
Can you feel the difference?
Parts can be understood. Parts can be met. Parts can soften when they no longer have to carry their burden alone.
You don’t need to fight them or bury them. You just need to meet them.
And that meeting, with understanding rather than judgement, is what this entire book is about.