Ten things toxic bosses do that won't surprise you if you've worked with one.
This week I started interviewing people for my book about their experiences of toxic behaviours in the workplace. What I’m hearing confirms the enormous impact that toxic leaders and company cultures have on people’s mental and physical health.
And every interview so far confirms what we all probably know intuitively: it starts at the top.
So what are some of the common themes in what I’m hearing?
1. Toxic bosses put you down in front of other people
I’ve been hearing lots of stories of bosses who put people down in front of others. Often loudly and aggressively.
Shaming people in public is a demonstration of power, and it affects everybody who witnesses it, not just the recipient.
2. They blame you to save themselves
Toxic bosses rarely take responsibility for their own mistakes, just as they rarely tolerate mistakes in others. And notably, if somebody calls them out or reports their behaviour, that person will be blamed as being the difficult one.
3. They take credit for your work
David Zweig and colleagues at the University of Toronto studied what they call knowledge theft and found that, when credit gets appropriated, people stop sharing what they know. The organisation loses access to its own intelligence.
4. They ostracise you
Selective and strategic ignoring has come up a lot in my interviews. Jane O’Reilly and colleagues directly compared workplace ostracism with workplace harassment. Their finding is that people rate ostracism as more socially acceptable and less harmful than harassment. But this assessment is wrong. The data show that ostracised employees are significantly more likely to report health problems and significantly more likely to leave their jobs than those who suffered harassment.
5. They change what was agreed, often without telling you
Workplace gaslighting shows up as the systematic rewriting of what was said, agreed, or decided. What it produces in the person on the receiving end is self-doubt and a sense of constant dread and anxiety.
6. They are unpredictable
Unpredictability is its own category of harm. A boss who is reliably difficult is at least predictable.
A boss who is sometimes difficult, moody or aggressive, but sometimes charming and engaging, creates a need for people to be constantly vigilant. Team members are on the lookout for signs that will tell them what mood the boss is in today, and therefore what kind of day they are going to have.
7. They control every detail
Micromanagement is another form of asserting power and control, and takes away autonomy, one of the most reliable drivers of workplace engagement and satisfaction.
8. They are charming upward
The office phrase for this is “kiss-up-kick-down”. Fabiola Gerpott and Niels Van Quaquebeke gave it a formal definition for the first time in 2023: middle managers who combine flattery toward their superiors with exploitation of the people below them.
This strategy is often enabled by performance review structures. Where performance is appraised in one direction only, from above, this pattern is structurally invisible. The people who can see it have no channel to report it, or have already learned to keep quiet, and the people above see nothing but a delightful colleague.
9. They have favourites
Leaders who treat people differently based on performance can improve how a team functions. Leaders who treat people differently on the basis of personal liking damage performance and morale, and create tension between colleagues who had no quarrel with each other before.
10. They give you work that means nothing
Norbert Semmer built a line of research around what he called illegitimate tasks: work that is unreasonable, meaning outside your role, or unnecessary, meaning it should not need doing at all.
Being given pointless, senseless, or meaningless tasks delivers a message about what you are worth, which results in lowered self-esteem, resentment toward the organisation, and burnout.
And, toxic behaviour is contagious
Many of my interviews echo what the research says: abusive behaviour by senior managers predicts abusive behaviour by other supervisors or managers beneath them, which in turn predicts hostility between the employees beneath those. Toxic behaviour in the workplace is contagious and can spread out of the workplace and into families and marriages.
I’ve been honoured that so many people have already agreed to share their experiences with me, and deeply moved by the stories they have shared, and the profound impact their experiences have had on their lives.
If you have experienced any of these behaviours and would be willing to speak to me, please email me at kenny@deepprocesstherapy.com. Our conversation will be completely confidential and anonymous.